Dear Hollywood— an Open Letter from Bookworms Everywhere

Dear Hollywood,

We realize you guys are kind of busy doing your million-dollar thing up there or whatever, so we’ll try not to take too much of your time.

Lately we’ve noticed that you seem to be a little… well… misinformed about what we bookworms are looking for. I mean, it’s super nice of you to take all our favorite books and do ’em over for us— we really appreciate the effort.

It’s just you’re kind of going about it the wrong way.

For one thing, just because the characters in your newest movie share the names of the characters in a book, doesn’t mean it’s actually the book. Or that fans of the book are automatically gonna be fans of the movie because the characters have the same name.

I realize this may come as a little bit of a shock, but we bookworms love our books for more reasons than just character names. I know, I know— so odd. But we’re an odd crowd, so don’t hold it against us too hard.

I’ll give you a little bit of inside information here, since whoever your original informant was seems to have gotten it quite wrong. (I’m sure you’d want to know the real truth as soon as possible, so you can start fixing the mistake right away.)

The truth is (and truth is often stranger than fiction, as they say) we love stories because they make us feel something. And through those emotions, they teach us to see something. And as they teach us to see, they inspire us to pursue.

(An emotion, by the way, is a chemical process in the brain connected to hormones and the soul that inspires a sensation, or an affection, or a psychological attachment. Kind of like when you see a building blown up sky-high on a full-screen TV except… not.)

My point is, we don’t follow a character named Percy just because his name’s Percy. We follow him because we see ourselves in him some way, and want him to succeed. His story draws us. We follow because we want to believe in a happy ending. Every story is different and has something new to say. The outside of a story never means as much as the inside. I’m sure you don’t mean to, but you always get this wrong.

We’ve also noticed that pretty much every book plot more complex than a love triangle doesn’t seem to cut it in your elite circles. I mean, weird, but we like to see our heroes defeat obstacles. Like… actual obstacles. It builds character. But we don’t have to tell you guys that. You’re one of the leading experts on building character in the nation, obviously. 😛

I’m sure there are tons of really great, sophisticated reasons why one of the biggest industries in the world can’t handle anything more complicated than a love triangle, but I’m just a poor ignorant commoner and I’m gonna take my one chance to complain.

By the way, we utterly reject the rumored existence of a horrible toothless, many-mouthed beast called The Masses who must be appeased, and refuses to feast on anything with an ounce more meat to it than love triangles and explosions. For one thing, such a creature as The Masses would only thrive in a culture that lacks initiative, originality, and individuality, and so obviously our culture would not support It. For another thing, if such a creature does exist, we abhor the suggestion that you, our sophisticated elite, should have stooped to making a deal with It on It’s own terms and lowering yourself to It’s level in exchange for… *coughs* excuse the indelicacy… money.

We’re sure that never even entered into your considerations.

Now that you have all the facts, we’re really looking forward to seeing your next book adaptations!

Sincerely,

~Every Bookworm Ever

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14 thoughts on “Dear Hollywood— an Open Letter from Bookworms Everywhere

      1. Camazotz is a place in A Wrinkle in Time. And it’s totally fine you didn’t get that… it’s kinda random. I only knew it because I just watched the movie recently, after reading the book many years ago.

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  1. Wowzers. *slow nodding* This is it. This is the huge revelation that we’ve all been waiting for. And, can you get this to ALL movie making companies? 😛 Because this is very important for all of them. *claps* Justice must come to the butchering of books!

    Liked by 2 people

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